Tag Archives: Love

The Story Of Us

30 May

 

It was a snowy April night, 2004. With her Mother at a Jack & Jill at a neighbors farm, she saw him. Having been ready to leave she was now compelled to stay, who was he? Quietly watching from across the room, summoning the courage to talk tom him, she was about to approach when she suddenly realized he was no longer in view. Scanning the room, it became clear that he had left. Disappointed, she agreed with her mother that it was time to leave. Then, as if by her very will there he was, chatting with people on the other side of the room. He appeared to be turning down dance partners, some young, and some clearly the mothers of his friends, smiling politely each time he’d shake his head and they’d move on. She wasn’t going to miss her chance, this time there was no summoning of courage she walked straight across the room. “I see you’re saying no to everyone that’s asking you to dance.” She noted, convincing herself she was this confident and forward person, “Will you dance with me?” He smiled, they danced. They spun and spun until the room continued to spin though they had stopped dancing. The night came to a close, and she headed home with her mother. The next morning she awoke excited with this new possibility, eager to explore what this new person might bring to her life. After some ‘research’ she learned his name and phone number, “Hi, I don’t know if you remember me, we met last night.”

After some months of spending nearly every day together they parted ways. She cried, but knew that this was not the right time for what she felt. They saw other people, always just slightly in touch with one another. In good times and in bad she thought of him, wondered where he was, if he was happy. The relationship she was in had not been what she was seeking, in her heart the knowledge that the one she met that April night was the one, pulled at her. On one particularly sad day, the tears blurred her vision and she needed someone. Someone to drive her home, someone to ease her broken heart. On that day the number she dialed was not the one of her current ‘someone’, but his. He answered and his voice brought some peace, then it was clear that the one who should be her someone was on the other end of the line. That was the end of the relationship she was in, now in the world a free agent, she waited.

Not so snowy, but April again a year later. Walking across a crowded bar she felt a poke and looked down. Standing there, a step below the platform she was on, was the one she had been waiting for. Without even thinking she fell into his arms, the remainder of the evening spent as close to him as she could get. This time she knew that this was the time for what she felt, she was ready for what he could bring to her life.

Some months passed. One sunny afternoon as they said goodbye in her mothers driveway she asked, “Should I cut and paste some pictures of rings that I like for you?” He smiled, “Yeah”. Together they looked and found the perfect one. July 2005, at dinner on a weekend away she asked for the dessert menu. When the waitress returned, she was carrying a platter with a little box in the center. As she processed what that might mean she looked down to find him on his knee at her side, “Will you be my wife?” Tears filled her eyes, her hands shook, “Yes!” She was reminded that they were in a crowded restaurant by the applause that filled the room around them.

Little more than a year went by and she was standing at the back of the church, clutching her Grandfather’s arm. As she watched the flower girls and ring bearer make their way down the aisle she began to shiver. “I’m scared” her feet froze, pulling gently on her arm, her Grandpa brought her down the aisle. Tears streaming down her face she was surprised by the emotion that overtook her. There he stood, just as he had that snowy April night, smiling and his presence alone putting at ease any fear she had felt.

Time went by, doing what it does. They drifted apart and came together as couples sometimes do. In the midst of one of their drifted periods he came home from work to find her crying. She gave no explanation, shutting the door to his attempt at understanding her tears. Wanting to tell him but not knowing how she searched online. On a page, on the table, she had printed off he came home to find a section circled. “At five weeks the heart beats for the first time” He looked at her, question and amazement on his face. She smiled with tears in her eyes and nodded, they were together again, now more than ever before.

Thirty-six weeks later the doctor handed him a tiny, perfect boy. His boy, this was a new love. A love they shared with each other and for this new and most important person in their lives. The baby boy grew and changed and they learned. About him, about themselves, and about each other. Her love for him grew. More than the night he put a ring on her finger, more than the day she said I do, her love for him and for what they had created together multiplied.

Soon she knew there was something else. Something pulling at her, she yearned for something, though she didn’t yet know what. Twenty-three months and two weeks after that tiny boy was laid in his arms, a precious girl was brought to him. When the nurse brought her into the recovery room and she beheld her new family for the first time she was sure that this was what she had been seeking. All was as it should be and there was nothing more to search for.

Time went by, doing what it does. They no longer drifted apart.

There were times when she would sit and think. A smile would come across her face as she realized how blessed she was. She had him, the one for her. And as days and weeks passed by she learned more and more that he was exactly what she needed, more than she knew she wanted. She had known of his kind heart and generous nature. Of his quick wit and dry humor. She learned how tender his heart was when his babies had tears in their eyes, and she saw his heart break for them. How patient his temperament was at trying times, when he hugged her to calm her frenzied state. How considerate he was when, after a long and hot days work, he searched their yard for an escaped pet turtle. How thoughtful he was when he told her to go and see her friends and not worry about the time. How playful he was as he rolled on the floor with the kids and their dog, laughing and playing until it was the children who were tired. How affectionate he was as he snuggled his babies to sleep. How strong he was as his world suffered unexpected losses and breaks.

She saw all of this. She saw him. She learned that on the day they exchanged their vows her love for him was just beginning. That years after she had pledged her heart to him she would find herself wanting to give it to him all over again. Finding new reasons to love him more all the time. With him she had a family she loved more than words could express. There was no more seeking, no yearning after what the world might hold. All that she needed and wanted was with him and the story they were writing together.

Twenty Four Months

30 May

They say time flies when you’re having fun. I say time soars when your life is full of love. These past twenty four months have gone past so quickly it feels like a blur. This is a very quick recap, in pictures, of the girl who made these months so magical.

May 25th 2010 – My heart broke, melted and exploded all at once, so full of love for this new being in my life.

The months that followed…

A very proud big brother

Daddy’s girl

Happy Halloween my little honey bee of love!

Full of smiles

Big beautiful eyes

Yum!

Fun in the tub

I don’t think I like what Daddy has done to me

Sleeping angel

And then, before I knew it, she was one. It had been a full year since my little love bug had come into the world. She was walking and laughing, asserting herself and full of hugs.

Happy Birthday Momma!

The squishy “cheese” face

Daddy’s Princess

Hey Mom, what are you doing on the floor?

Happy Halloween 2011!

Giggles

Look what Santa brought!

The merbaby

Wild and crazy hair, always in her face.

Super cool baby

I’m ready for Spring!

Twenty four months before this last picture was taken I spent the night pacing and crying. Terrified of the unknown, what would a new baby mean to my little family of three?

And now after two years of love and joy I know that my life, and my family, were not yet complete. We needed this girl to make us who we are today and to grace each of the days to come with her big heart and adventurous spirit.

I love you Bella.

The Family We Choose

6 Dec

I have a truly great group of girlfriends. They are beautiful, smart and funny women. They each possess characteristics I strive for and they inspire me to be better. There are four in particular who I consider my closest friends. I can talk to all of them about anything. I trust them completely. My relationship with each of them is such that I know they will always be there for me and I am always here for them. I wasn’t always in a place in my life when I knew for sure where I stood with people. I am so happy that I have friends whom I love and who I know love me back, it’s a great thing to have.
My oldest and closest friend truly is my rock. She has been there through all of the biggest moments in my life. When I’m feeling panicked or uncertain about something she is always my first call, and each time she gets me back to sanity and calms me. She always knows just what to say to help me gain much needed perspective. She is smart and caring and never asks for anything. The distance and time that keep us apart seem to grow every year yet each time we speak or get together our relationship remains the same, I’m very lucky to have her in my life.
The next I always first think of as the fun one. The one who I can always call when what I need is a night on the town with drinks and dancing. But she is much more than this. She is quick witted and has a fantastic sense of humor. She’s strong and always fights for what she believes in. No matter what we do together I know we will have fun, just having her there makes anything a great time. Whether it be a girls night out or sitting and talking for hours, I love having her in my life.
Now for the one who my relationship with started out very differently than it has ended up. When we met we were perhaps too similar to really become close. On the outside she is tough, she knows what needs to be done and she takes care of it. She’s very organized and her home is always perfect. I wish I was that woman, the one who’s home is spotless even if you stop by unannounced. I don’t know how she does it. But the part of her I love the most is the part that took time for me to get to know. Considerate and sweet she never lets me feel bad when I screw up. When I’m kicking myself and loosing sleep over something, particularly in my mothering role, she knows exactly what to tell me to get me out of it. She is wise and thoughtful, I honestly do not know what I would do without her.
Finally the one who has inspired me to be more appreciative and kind. She always sees the good in people. Full of energy she lights up any room she walks into. Always thinking of others and going out of her way to brighten up someone’s day. The newest addition to those I hold dearest I am so thankful to have found a great friend in her.

My Big Plan – Part 2

7 Nov

I want to be more specific on the being a better parent part of my plan.

I believe I have excellent intentions when it comes to being a parent. I believe I have an open mind when it comes to seeking out new and improved ways of being there for my kids. I believe I am accepting of the parenting choices that others make. I know I love my kids in a way I can’t actually put into words.

However all the good intentions and love int the world do not a perfect mother make. I get mad, frustrated, irritated and sad and I can sometimes take it out on my kids. I yell, I shut down and sometimes I even withhold my attention out of spite. Ugh. I’m so disgusted with myself right now.

I have been reading about positive parenting. The idea of using positive reinforcement versus negative consequences has always been a good idea in my head but the truth is I haven’t been putting it to practice all that well. Bad Sarah!

The goal moving forward is to really use this positive thing, like really. Not just think about it, but you know…do it. I read these two posts:

http://www.authenticparenting.info/2011/10/practicing-punishment-free-parenting.html

http://www.authenticparenting.info/2011/10/four-alternatives-to-punishment.html

And realized it is who I feel I am as a Mom and so I need to really work at doing it. For the last week or so when Logan has been upset about something and behaved in a less than desirable fashion I have gotten down to his level and asked him how he was feeling and why he did what he did. He often has an answer for me. We talk about a better way to handle it next time and we hug. After we are both smiling and feeling better. I don’t want to punish them when they do things I don’t want them to. I want them to be able to recognize their emotions and deal with them in a positive way. So my hope is that if each time they get a bad feeling running through them I am there for them they will learn that it is OK to have those feelings and we can learn together the best way to deal with them. They are people. I often find it hard to wrap my head around this thought. I know it’s obvious. but when I really think about all of the emotions and thoughts that are going through them all the time I think WHOA. And then I think as if I expect them to just know how to cope with all of this. Well adjusted adults have a hard time dealing with all of that stuff. At the end of the day I think if I can treat them the way I want to be treated. With love, understanding and support than I think I will be doing a good job.

I am not going to use yelling, threatening, withholding, time outs or removal of privileges. This feels right for me. It’s not easy because I have been doing these things so far but I believe the change will be SO worth it. It’s really not easy because popular beliefs in regards to parenting include these things. It’s hard to be different with an audience who doesn’t see it your way.

When Logan and Bella were babies I knew right away that I wanted to be a parent who followed most of the ideals of attachment parenting. I co-slept(sleep), I nurse, I kept them close, rarely put them down. Let them lead the way when it came to when they ate, slept, learned new skills, moved onto solid foods. I now need to work at doing the toddler and preschooler equivalent. I need to let them lead the way. Follow their cues and be in tune with how they are feeling and what they are needing.

When Logan was new and I was at a doctors appointment feeling overwhelmed and in tears my doctor said, “All he needs is love and those dumb things” (pointing to my boobs) and that helped me to trust in myself to do the right thing. As they grow and change it’s still pretty much the best advice I have heard. All they need is love. What comes from the love I have for them is my drive to do the best for them that I can.

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