Tag Archives: Assumptions

My Big Plan – Part 3

10 Nov

Goal: Stop being a judging judgey-faced judger.

It’s a bad habit. And I’m pretty sure just about everyone does it. Having a reaction is normal, I’m not sure I can change that. However, once I have my reaction I am going to stop and remind myself that I am only seeing a small portion of someones story. There is a lot I don’t know and whatever snippet I am a witness too is really none of my business to judge.

I use it as a means of small talk. When I meet someone and find that I have nothing to talk about I often rely on criticizing people and events around me as a means of filling the awkward silence.  It’s bad I know. What’s really bad is that quite often my dry and sarcastic humor is probably coming across as just plain evil. I hope that making people laugh will mean they like me when in all likelihood they’re like whoa this chick’s a b*tch!

This realization has been largely due to all the criticism and judgement I have received in response to various parenting choices.  Not for anything crazy. Just about everything people have condemned me for is somewhere in another post here. Things that I tend to fight a little too hard for even when no one is asking such as breastfeeding – especially into toddler-hood, co-sleeping with both of my kids, letting my kids lead the way, not having our son circumcised, heck even what school I plan on sending my kids too. People have mocked, questioned my rationale and flat out told me I’m wrong. This can really hurt. And one thing I never want to do is make another parent feel bad for the choices they make for their kids. It is so confusing and maddening and tough to navigate your way through raising your kids. And people are mean. I think a lot of it comes from the fact that other parents might be having a hard time with the choices they have made, or simply don’t have the information. Unfortunately though there are those out there who really do mean to harm, and who cannot fathom the possibility that they themselves may be the ones who are wrong. That’s frustrating, but those ones do it to themselves, it would be nice if someday those who believe they can do no wrong recognize the harm they are doing to others. I have learned, I recognize the hurt I can cause other people by scoffing, raising an eyebrow or muttering something under my breath. I know that hurts, and really serves no purpose.

So from now on every time I think “OMG! Look at those shoes!” or” WTF? Why is that woman doing that to her child” I am going to stop myself and realize there’s a lot more going on than what I am seeing. That we are all just finding our way through. We have good moments and bad. Quite often the bad come when we have an audience. You should try it too. Join me on my mission of not being a judging judgey-faced judger.  Unless the shoes are really bad…

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