A Long Time

16 Oct

It has been what feels like forever since I last wrote. It’s really only been a few months but in those few months I have realized just how much writing does for me. Back when I wrote more regularly I didn’t see it, since going months without writing though, I now know why I should keep up with it.
I went quite some time not having anything to say. And sometimes having something to say but feeling unsure as to whether or not I should say it. This right here is my ramblings, so no big expectations please. I’m using the iPad which is pretty irritating to write on. I prefer to feel the clicking of the keys under my fingers. The clicking keeps me going and I can type thoughtlessly for extended periods of time. On this screen keyboard thing however I just don’t have the same flow.
Lately I have been lying in bed thinking about things I might want to write about. It feels good. I feel motivated, which to be honest, I haven’t felt about much of anything in some time. I don’t know why, I have found myself in a rut.
I got stuck, I felt a bit trapped. Not like, “oh I’m so miserable in my life” trapped, just stuck in the same day to day routine and feeling like I can’t get out from under a pile. A pile of laundry to be specific, and other housework. I’m really not into cleaning. I should be, and when I am I love my clean house but the pile has just felt in surmountable. I’ll get on that, tomorrow, maybe.
This is a good place to start, I think. Maybe if I de-clutter my thoughts I’ll find it easier to de-clutter…umm…everything else. That probably makes sense.
The list of things I’ve been rolling around my mind recently. It’s not a huge list, it’s a smaller list but the things are bigger.
I’ve written before about my father. The one who contributed half of my DNA. About not knowing him, never having had an actual conversation with the man and what that might mean to me. I don’t totally know, I feel differently about it on a regular and changing basis. A choice I made in the last few months required that I speak to him. It was nerve wracking. When I called I shook and rambled and didn’t make any sense. So, I plan to soon attempt to make sense of that by writing it all down.
That “Big Plan” I wrote about before, I’d like to examine that all over again and see where I’m at. I don’t completely recall all that I wrote. It’s a problem I have, getting super hung up on something and feeling really passionate about it, then dropping it and moving on just as quickly. When I’m in the middle of whatever it is, it means a lot to me. Then I get distracted, or something, and my full steam ahead drive just sputters. Is it a character flaw that I move on so suddenly or does it mean that I simply know when to let go? Maybe both.
I often consider delving into my relationship with my mom. That makes me uneasy though. I don’t know exactly what direction to take or what it would mean for that relationship if I did. I’m still too afraid of it I think. Some would say that some things just aren’t for sharing. In most cases I’d likely disagree with this. I am an open book. Just try to shut me up, if someone is willing to listen I’ll share till there’s nothing left to say. I this case, however, I might just agree.
That choice I mentioned, the one that put me in the position of needing to call my father. That choice was to become an egg donor. I made the decision in the summer and when I did things moved very quickly. Much faster than I expected. I knew I would want to write about it. I also knew I would want to wait until the experience was over. To have the full perspective and to know decisively how I felt about the whole thing. It didn’t go the way I expected. I need to get that out of my head, to share the journey.
And finally something else that choice to become a donor brought me. News that scared the crap out of me at first, because I didn’t know what it meant, and because all that it means is yet to be seen.
I feel sorry that I haven’t written. I’m not sure to whom. Perhaps myself. Airing my thoughts out on this platform is truly cathartic. The thought of sharing personal details is quite appalling to some, I can see why. It could be scary, and maybe the fact that I want to share with the world my thoughts says something about me. Something negative, on some level do I think my thoughts are so significant that friends, family, and strangers should read them? Probably not. Right now I’d say that I over share out of purely selfish intentions. I enjoy getting it all out of my head, and sometimes telling someone just isn’t the same as getting it all organized and out down on paper. Well, on monitor.

Yum

25 Jun

The first time I rambled on here I said I would post recipes, which I have yet to do. That changes right now, here comes one of my most favorite recipes. I LOVE these squares. They are sweet, rich and seriously unhealthy. You can find similar recipes online under names like millionaire shortbread or skor bars, in my family the name is,
Millionaire Squares
To do it they way I do you are going to need:
1 mixing bowl
2 heavy sauce pans
Measuring cups/scoops/spoons (whatever you prefer)
1 stirring utensil for the base mixture
1 large spoon or flat edged ladle type thing, I don’t know what the thing I use is called. It’s made of wood and it’s flat and has a straight edge. You need to do a lot of stirring of a hot mixture and I find it’s best to have something with a flat edge to keep the mixture from settling on the bottom of the hot pan and burning.
1 8×8 glass pan
Ingredients and Method
For the base
3/4 cup flour
1/4 cup white sugar
1/4 cup butter – you may find you need to add a bit more to get the mixture to hold together in the pan
Preheat your oven to 350 degrees.
Mix the above ingredients in your mixing bowl. It will be crumbly when stirring but should clump together when pressed. Grease the bottom of your 8×8 pan and press this mixture into it.
Bake for 10-15 minutes until it turns lightly golden. Set aside to cool.
The middle
1/2 cup butter
2 tablespoons corn syrup
1 can sweetened condensed milk
1 teaspoon vanilla
In your first (larger if you have two different sizes) heavy sauce pan melt the 1/2 cup of butter over medium heat. Add the corn syrup and sweetened condensed milk. You want to bring this to a boil, you may need to increase your heat slightly. This you MUST stir constantly for 12-15 minutes while it boils, I like to use something with a flat edge to ensure nothing burns on the bottom of the pot. it will become a light golden caramel type colour. Do not let it burn. Remove from heat. Add vanilla and stir. Pour this over your cooled base and smooth it out so it covers evenly. Let this layer cool.
The top
Chocolate chips – I love milk chocolate so that’s what I use here, you can use dark, semi or milk it’s whatever you prefer
Teaspoon or so butter
In your second (smaller of the two) sauce pan melt the butter over low-medium heat. Add your chocolate and stir until melted. Be careful melting chocolate, if it becomes pasty it’s burnt and that’s yucky. You can melt it in the microwave if you want, I find it much easier to burn in the microwave so I prefer the stove top where I can see what’s going on.
Smooth your melted chocolate over the middle layer. Allow it to cool.
Once set slice into squares.
Beware addiction may occur.

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The Story Of Us

30 May

 

It was a snowy April night, 2004. With her Mother at a Jack & Jill at a neighbors farm, she saw him. Having been ready to leave she was now compelled to stay, who was he? Quietly watching from across the room, summoning the courage to talk tom him, she was about to approach when she suddenly realized he was no longer in view. Scanning the room, it became clear that he had left. Disappointed, she agreed with her mother that it was time to leave. Then, as if by her very will there he was, chatting with people on the other side of the room. He appeared to be turning down dance partners, some young, and some clearly the mothers of his friends, smiling politely each time he’d shake his head and they’d move on. She wasn’t going to miss her chance, this time there was no summoning of courage she walked straight across the room. “I see you’re saying no to everyone that’s asking you to dance.” She noted, convincing herself she was this confident and forward person, “Will you dance with me?” He smiled, they danced. They spun and spun until the room continued to spin though they had stopped dancing. The night came to a close, and she headed home with her mother. The next morning she awoke excited with this new possibility, eager to explore what this new person might bring to her life. After some ‘research’ she learned his name and phone number, “Hi, I don’t know if you remember me, we met last night.”

After some months of spending nearly every day together they parted ways. She cried, but knew that this was not the right time for what she felt. They saw other people, always just slightly in touch with one another. In good times and in bad she thought of him, wondered where he was, if he was happy. The relationship she was in had not been what she was seeking, in her heart the knowledge that the one she met that April night was the one, pulled at her. On one particularly sad day, the tears blurred her vision and she needed someone. Someone to drive her home, someone to ease her broken heart. On that day the number she dialed was not the one of her current ‘someone’, but his. He answered and his voice brought some peace, then it was clear that the one who should be her someone was on the other end of the line. That was the end of the relationship she was in, now in the world a free agent, she waited.

Not so snowy, but April again a year later. Walking across a crowded bar she felt a poke and looked down. Standing there, a step below the platform she was on, was the one she had been waiting for. Without even thinking she fell into his arms, the remainder of the evening spent as close to him as she could get. This time she knew that this was the time for what she felt, she was ready for what he could bring to her life.

Some months passed. One sunny afternoon as they said goodbye in her mothers driveway she asked, “Should I cut and paste some pictures of rings that I like for you?” He smiled, “Yeah”. Together they looked and found the perfect one. July 2005, at dinner on a weekend away she asked for the dessert menu. When the waitress returned, she was carrying a platter with a little box in the center. As she processed what that might mean she looked down to find him on his knee at her side, “Will you be my wife?” Tears filled her eyes, her hands shook, “Yes!” She was reminded that they were in a crowded restaurant by the applause that filled the room around them.

Little more than a year went by and she was standing at the back of the church, clutching her Grandfather’s arm. As she watched the flower girls and ring bearer make their way down the aisle she began to shiver. “I’m scared” her feet froze, pulling gently on her arm, her Grandpa brought her down the aisle. Tears streaming down her face she was surprised by the emotion that overtook her. There he stood, just as he had that snowy April night, smiling and his presence alone putting at ease any fear she had felt.

Time went by, doing what it does. They drifted apart and came together as couples sometimes do. In the midst of one of their drifted periods he came home from work to find her crying. She gave no explanation, shutting the door to his attempt at understanding her tears. Wanting to tell him but not knowing how she searched online. On a page, on the table, she had printed off he came home to find a section circled. “At five weeks the heart beats for the first time” He looked at her, question and amazement on his face. She smiled with tears in her eyes and nodded, they were together again, now more than ever before.

Thirty-six weeks later the doctor handed him a tiny, perfect boy. His boy, this was a new love. A love they shared with each other and for this new and most important person in their lives. The baby boy grew and changed and they learned. About him, about themselves, and about each other. Her love for him grew. More than the night he put a ring on her finger, more than the day she said I do, her love for him and for what they had created together multiplied.

Soon she knew there was something else. Something pulling at her, she yearned for something, though she didn’t yet know what. Twenty-three months and two weeks after that tiny boy was laid in his arms, a precious girl was brought to him. When the nurse brought her into the recovery room and she beheld her new family for the first time she was sure that this was what she had been seeking. All was as it should be and there was nothing more to search for.

Time went by, doing what it does. They no longer drifted apart.

There were times when she would sit and think. A smile would come across her face as she realized how blessed she was. She had him, the one for her. And as days and weeks passed by she learned more and more that he was exactly what she needed, more than she knew she wanted. She had known of his kind heart and generous nature. Of his quick wit and dry humor. She learned how tender his heart was when his babies had tears in their eyes, and she saw his heart break for them. How patient his temperament was at trying times, when he hugged her to calm her frenzied state. How considerate he was when, after a long and hot days work, he searched their yard for an escaped pet turtle. How thoughtful he was when he told her to go and see her friends and not worry about the time. How playful he was as he rolled on the floor with the kids and their dog, laughing and playing until it was the children who were tired. How affectionate he was as he snuggled his babies to sleep. How strong he was as his world suffered unexpected losses and breaks.

She saw all of this. She saw him. She learned that on the day they exchanged their vows her love for him was just beginning. That years after she had pledged her heart to him she would find herself wanting to give it to him all over again. Finding new reasons to love him more all the time. With him she had a family she loved more than words could express. There was no more seeking, no yearning after what the world might hold. All that she needed and wanted was with him and the story they were writing together.

Twenty Four Months

30 May

They say time flies when you’re having fun. I say time soars when your life is full of love. These past twenty four months have gone past so quickly it feels like a blur. This is a very quick recap, in pictures, of the girl who made these months so magical.

May 25th 2010 – My heart broke, melted and exploded all at once, so full of love for this new being in my life.

The months that followed…

A very proud big brother

Daddy’s girl

Happy Halloween my little honey bee of love!

Full of smiles

Big beautiful eyes

Yum!

Fun in the tub

I don’t think I like what Daddy has done to me

Sleeping angel

And then, before I knew it, she was one. It had been a full year since my little love bug had come into the world. She was walking and laughing, asserting herself and full of hugs.

Happy Birthday Momma!

The squishy “cheese” face

Daddy’s Princess

Hey Mom, what are you doing on the floor?

Happy Halloween 2011!

Giggles

Look what Santa brought!

The merbaby

Wild and crazy hair, always in her face.

Super cool baby

I’m ready for Spring!

Twenty four months before this last picture was taken I spent the night pacing and crying. Terrified of the unknown, what would a new baby mean to my little family of three?

And now after two years of love and joy I know that my life, and my family, were not yet complete. We needed this girl to make us who we are today and to grace each of the days to come with her big heart and adventurous spirit.

I love you Bella.

Social [network] Experiment

18 Jan

Sunday morning. It was not my day. The kids were sick and less than impressed, and things just weren’t going the way I wanted them to. On my way to the shower I quickly hopped on Facebook. I had an update, a comment on something I posted on my wall. I responded, and my snotty mood seared through my fingers into my comment . Oops. Probably should have thought about what I was truly pissed off about and paused before replying there. Too late. It took me a bit to realize that my retort was both unnecessary and rude. That’s it! I know what I’ll do. Still peeved, now more at myself than my initial problem I deleted the Facebook app from my phone, and the iPad. I removed the quick link thingy from my google chrome home page. How badly do I really need Facebook? I am going to find out.
I am about two and a half days in. I intend to look at it again on Sunday sometime after lunch. A week. That seems like enough time to break the habit, to see if I’m addicted. Pretty sure I am.
The thought of deleting my account all together crossed my mind, but it felt brash. I use it as a storage utility to some extent. There are pictures on there that I am not totally sure of the location of otherwise. I know I have thought in the past, “I’m never going to delete this account so I know my pictures are safe here even if my computer crashes”. My addiction to the site tugged at me, do you really want to start again? Will a new account ever be the same as this one? No. Will you actually go through the process of finding all the pictures, sites, likes that you did before to compile them back in one place? Nope. So, it’s staying intact I’m just pretending it’s not there for a while.
I have read those comments about the evils of Facebook and social networking sites in the past. How they diminish real relationships. How people spend less time talking to one another in person, or on the phone then they would otherwise. How they instill a false sense of connection to community. All that scary business of how bad bullying gets in the younger crowd. The inappropriate pictures kids post of themselves. The boldness some people feel while sitting behind their screen that can sometimes remove otherwise appropriate inhibitions. Like my snotty comment. Would I have said that in person? No sir-ee.
Of course there’s a pile of positives. Keeping up to date in one convenient place. Finding groups and pages where that bring together people of similar views and beliefs together. Easily organizing events and keeping track of guests. Sharing everything from pictures to movie likes with the world, or just your friends. I feel like I’m reaching a bit to find exactly what is so great about it. I look at it so many times a day you would think there would be a super great reason. I know a lot of my reason is because I spend so much time at home, with my kids. It keeps me feeling less alone. That feeling it provides is a false one though. And it’s stopping me from actually seeking out the connection that really matters.
All this makes me think I should just delete it all together. The inner pack rat can’t let go. So my goal is to find some balance. To check less often. To be less invested. I want to share with friends and family. I enjoy finding articles and posts that intrigue and inform me. I like knowing that if I ‘like’ or ‘share’ something that strikes me it will be forever stored on my timeline so I will be able to find it later to reference it, or finish reading it, since sitting down to read anything more than a blurb usually results in my kids special mommy is preoccupied radar peaking.
Many self help sites will tell you that it takes at least 21 days to break a habit or retrain your brain to kill an addiction. It may be the addiction speaking, but that seems a bit long. I don’t have an addictive personality usually. If I decide to quit something I usually can pretty quickly and easily. So one week. I will not go to Facebook.com. I will not download or re-install the apps onto my other devices. I will suppress my what if someone is trying to reach me through Facebook feeling, because that’s dumb. If something is truly important people are not going to use Facebook to reach me.
On a side note I have this order in which I think the importance of what you are trying to communicate dictates the method you use should go. The ‘hey what’s new?’ is for a fb wall. A slightly more personal but not needing to be read urgently message belongs in the fb inbox. The communication that needs a more timely response is for texting. The still wanting a timely response but lengthier thought belongs in email. And of course the need to convey right away one belongs to the voice call. Obviously these are not the only ways I use these things, and not the only way I expect others to use them. I don’t post personal or intimate notes on peoples walls. I don’t send emails with nothing but hey what’s new in them, unless the person doesn’t have Facebook. I do however make phone calls for any and all reasons. I think this is becoming less common though, for me, for the people I know. I go to call a friend and sometimes stop and wonder if I should just message them in one way or another. Do I need to bother them right now? Of course if I think about it flipped around I am always happy to hear from my friends. It’s never a bother to know that someone was thinking of me or wanting to talk to me. If I am busy it’s not hard to say that and call them back later. That concept seems obvious. Before texting, Facebook and routine emailing that was what we did. We are not so futuristic and ‘modern’ that using a telephone is passé, are we? I mean, I know when you look at your phone your like so how do I make calls with this thing anyway? I know when I first got mine I was like where’s the dial pad? How do I access my contacts? They no longer serve a single purpose, which is lovely, but I kinda miss the joy of chatting away on the phone. Of playing with the cord or bouncing down the hallway because we got out first cordless phone. Sitting beside the phone full of anticipation hoping that boy I gave my number to would call. Snarling at my little brother for trying to listen in. Maybe even hanging up in a hurry because I was so excited and nervous that someone I liked answered the phone. Memorizing phone numbers. Seriously, I have to think about it before I dial Scott’s number on some else’s phone. That’s bad.
Just in case you were wondering WordPress is supposed to publish my posts to Facebook automatically for me. If for some reason that doesn’t work I won’t know so I may not post this until I return to the world of fb on Sunday the 22nd sometime after lunch.
Ciao for now!

Infant Circumcision: Why I say NO

8 Jan

There are two things I want you to know before choosing to read this. First, it contains links to graphic material, I chose not to put the pictures on the page so that you would have the option to see them or not. Secondly, my goal is not to condemn or make you feel bad about a choice you have already made. My goal is to advocate for those who cannot advocate for themselves and to share information.  If you decide to read on please do so with an open mind and be willing to hear what I have to say.

“When we know better, we do better.”

-Maya Angelou

You may already know that I am against circumcision, specifically when it is performed on infants where there is no medical reason. If there is a medical need or if it is in the case of an adult who is capable of giving INFORMED CONSENT than what I have to say here does not apply.

To begin I will explain my journey to this belief, if you want to know when I first decided not to have my son circumcised read this. You will see that what I went on was not very much information but a very instinctual desire not to put my unborn child though that. More recently I have delved into the information and have found myself taking up the cause. There are a lot of very valid causes out there and I agree with many of them. For one reason or another though, this one really hits me. I get pretty riled up about it at times.  I get that hitting my head against a wall feeling when thinking about the arguments people make. The reasons they give. I’m not mad at them, just the thought process. On some level it angers me because I once felt the same way, not strongly, but I agreed with them. I hadn’t put a lot of thought into it but I just assumed it was what you did if you had a boy and that was all there was to it. If my doctor hadn’t asked me about it that one day I may very well have done it to Logan.  Unfortunately unless you go looking for pros and cons you just don’t know, unless someone says, “Hey! Why are you doing that?” The general belief in our society currently is that when you have baby boy you cut off the end of his penis. Think about that phrase for a moment. Are there any other parts of your child you would have removed? If you had a girl would you have her circumcised? My thought is HELL NO! Yet somehow this one exception exists, this one part that we are fine with slicing off as soon as we can. There are some hints floating about now that might make you think first. It’s no longer performed immediately following the birth while you and baby are still in hospital (in Canada).  You have to find a doctor who will do it and then book it, then you have to PAY, at least a couple hundred dollars. It’s not covered by health insurance because it is considered COSMETIC.

Before I dive into the information that brings me to the decision not to circumcise babies let me address a common statement that comes up around this discussion. “It’s the parents choice” I have been saying something similar to this for some time, “Everyone has to do what’s best for them” when people have confronted me about my son. Recently I realized that I was taking the wrong approach, I was saying the wrong thing. It’s not really about the adult, it’s about the baby. Tiny and new as they are, they are still people and they have rights. Deciding for them to have an elective procedure performed feels to me like a violation of those rights, some courts agree. It is the choice of the parent, and right now in the eyes of the law they have the right to make it. If just there you said, “HA you said it Sarah I have the right so back off” then you should probably leave, you’re not going to change your mind and neither am I. Reading further will probably just aggravate you, and I’m not here to upset anyone.

Let’s start off with all those wonderful reasons people have to cut their babies. First I have a list for you, a list of various possible reasons for why circumcision came into practice. You will find the full article here.

“It has been variously proposed that it began as a religious sacrifice, as a rite of passage marking a boy’s entrance into adulthood, as a form of sympathetic magic to ensure virility or fertility, as a means of enhancing sexual pleasure, as an aid to hygiene where regular bathing was impractical, as a means of marking those of higher social status, as a means of humiliating enemies and slaves by symbolic castration, as a means of differentiating a circumcising group from their non-circumcising neighbors, as a means of discouraging masturbation or other socially proscribed sexual behaviors, as a means of removing “excess” pleasure, as a means of increasing a man’s attractiveness to women, as a demonstration of one’s ability to endure pain, or as a male counterpart to menstruation or the breaking of the hymen, or to copy the rare natural occurrence of a missing foreskin of an important leader, and as a display of disgust of the smegma produced by the foreskin.”

You will note that there are contradicting items on this list. Take into account that all of these are reasons various people have used around the world at differing points in time.  Really they are opinions.

Here are some common reasons people choose to have their baby circumcised, and the facts that debunk the myths. Find the full article here.

Circumcision is recommended by doctors and medical organizations

Fact: Circumcision is not recommended by any national medical association in the world.  Fifteen national and international medical associations have extensively studied infant circumcision and its effects and found no significant evidence to support this practice.  In March 1999, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) concluded that infant circumcision is not recommended as a routine procedure.1  The circumcision policy statements of the American Medical Association (AMA) and the American Academy of Family Physicians have concurred with this position.2-3  The AMA calls infant circumcision “non-therapeutic.”

It’s just a little piece of skin, he won’t miss it.

Fact: The prepuce (foreskin) makes up as much as half of the skin system of the penis.4  It is an extension of the shaft skin that folds over onto itself, completely covering and protecting the glans (an internal organ) and provides the mobility of the shaft skin necessary for frictionless intercourse and masturbation.  The foreskin has three known functions: protective, immunological, and sexual.  It contains about 10,000 highly specialized nerve endings and several feet of blood vessels.  An adult male foreskin, if unfolded and spread out, would be about the size of index card (3 x 5 inches), much more than a “little piece of skin.”  Many sexually active men circumcised in adulthood report a significant decrease in sexual pleasure and comfort because of the loss of sensitive nerve endings, skin mobility and natural lubrication.

The care of a circumcised penis is easier than an intact penis.

Fact: For the care of an intact penis, the AAP recommends, “Leave it alone.” 5  No special care is required – an intact child should have the external surface of his penis (and the rest of his body) washed regularly to keep clean.  When a male is older and can retract his foreskin (which typically occurs by puberty), a simple rinsing is all that is necessary. 6  Other cultural myths about special cleaning procedures are just that – myth.

Almost everyone is circumcised…I don’t want my son to be teased in the locker room.

Fact:  The circumcision rate for males worldwide is about 15%.  Even in the US, the only country that circumcises a majority of its male newborns for non-religious reasons, the circumcision rate is decreasing.  According the National Center for Health Statistics, the US circumcision rate is approximately 60% (varies widely by region) and slowly decreasing.  According to many intact males, the “teasing” concern is vastly overstated.  For many boys, genital status is neither an important issue nor one that is discussed.  In the unlikely event of concerns later in life, at least the person can make his own decision about an irreversible body alteration that has no medical justification.

Circumcision is a simple and painless procedure… it only takes a few minutes.

Fact:  While circumcision is a relatively quick procedure, it is extremely painful for the infant.  The initial part of the process involves a forced separation of the foreskin, which is fused to the glans (head) in much the same way as a fingernail is joined to the finger.  The AAP says the following about EMLA cream, one of the most common pain relief methods, “The analgesic effect is limited during the phases associated with extensive tissue trauma…” 1    Although they cannot remember the pain as adults, circumcised male infants have increased pain response in vaccinations 4 to 6 months later.11  Circumcision appears to lower the pain threshold.

Circumcision makes the penis cleaner and more hygienic.

Fact:  Circumcision removes the protective portion of mobile shaft skin, which is intended to cover the glans (head) of the penis.  The glans is the internal portion of genitalia (for both genders).  Circumcision artificially exposes and denudes this highly sensitive tissue, resulting in a buildup of keratin and a dry, desensitized part of the penis.  And contrary to popular myth, more sensation does not lead tp control problems.  Based on reports from men circumcised as adults, just the opposite is true.  With more sensation, a man has better feedback and can better determine his proximity to the “orgasmic threshold.”   

I went here and found this in regards to the circumcision rate in Canada, “A 2006 article placed the (2003) rate at 13.9%.”  That was the rate in 2003, and the rates have been on the decline. To those of you who really believe that kids are going to tease your son about what his penis looks like. Even if kids were comparing and teasing it would appear that those who have been snipped will be the minority.

I have heard accounts from people who know someone who knew someone who had a problem with their uncut penis later in life. Yes it happens. Our bodies don’t always perform exactly as they should. Our tonsils and appendix sometimes cause problems later on too, are we removing those from our newborns? No because the remotely possible benefit does not outweigh the risk of the surgery to remove them. What are the risks to circumcising your son? This article shows this:

“Out of 100 Circumcised boys:

75 will not readily breastfeed post-op

55 will have adverse reactions from the surgery

35 will have post-op hemorrhaging to one degree or another

31 will develop meatal ulcers

10 will need to have the circumcision surgery repeated to fix prior surgical problems/error
8 will suffer infection at the surgical site

3 will develop post-operative phimosis

2 will have a more serious complication (seizure, heart attack, stroke, loss of penis, death)

1 will require additional immediate surgery and sutures to stop hemorrhage

1 will develop fibrosis

1 will develop phimosis

1 will be treated with antibiotics for a UTI (urinary tract infection)

1 will be treated with antibiotics for surgical site infection

Of those who do receive pain medication for the surgery (about 4% of those boys undergoing circumcision in the U.S.) some will have adverse reactions to the pain medication injected”

Sound scary? Yeah I think so too. But wait, there are risks to leaving him intact too:

Out of 100 Intact boys: 

2 will be treated with antibiotics for a UTI (fewer if the foreskin is never forcibly retracted)

1 will be told to get cut later in life for one reason or another (fewer if the foreskin is never forcibly retracted)”

The list is shorter, and it’s rates lower than most on the first list. The rates have the potential to be lower of more people are properly educated on how to care for their intact sons.  Leave it alone! For more information on how to leave it alone,  go here.

I am always amused by the concept that the child should look like his father. He is a different person, he has half of his mothers DNA. Fathers, if your son is born with different hair or eye colour than you have do you take measures to alter it to match yours? No you say? That’s foolish? What do you mean? Shouldn’t he look just like you? Right down the end of his penis? OOhh that is foolish.

Yeah they look different. Do you know how different? Feel free to check it out here. Don’t be weird go ahead and look. You should know if you want all the information.

Let’s address the future now. Someday that baby will grow into a sexual being. And as much as we can say I don’t want to think about my kid that way, or why are you using your child’s future sex life as part of your argument, it is still a point to consider. First I would like to remind you that one “benefit” circumcision  is supposed to provide is a reduction if not complete halting of masturbation. If you think your child should not be exploring himself sexually at some point in his life to begin with then you have something else to deal with all together. For those of you that recognize it is a natural part of human development and sexuality, do you want to take that away from them? I know I know it doesn’t actually stop it, but people thought it would and that’s why they cut their kids. Studies have proven that an intact penis is more sensitive, want the stats? Go here.  Don’t want to read and try to make sense of all that? Their conclusion is this, “Circumcision ablates the most sensitive parts of the penis”.  Ablation basically means remove, “In medicine, ablation is the same as removal of a part of biological tissue, usually by surgery

There are a lot of products and marketing out there which suggest that men are seeking to increase the size of their penises, I’m thinking we’re not doing our boys any favours cutting some off.

Religion. There are several religions whose practices and rituals include circumcision. The one we tend to associate it with the most is the Jewish faith. I am obviously not telling people who to practice their faith. I Do offer this article though. There are options, and things can be done differently. A large number of the other religions and cultures who ritualistically perform circumcision do it later in life, often as a coming of age practice.

Circumcision is permanent. It cannot be undone. It can be done later in life though. And a man who wants or needs it can choose to do it. They can be sufficiently numbed or put under completely. They can be given meds to manage the pain following the procedure. They know what is happening to them. Studies have shown that neonates cannot be safely numbed to the point where they will not feel the pain of the crushing, tearing and slicing of the surgery. There is no NOW OR NEVER with circumcision. You don’t have to rush to it. The option will remain available in the future. Isn’t this best left as a “better safe than sorry” situation? Don’t take the risk and what is there to regret?

I have met, talked to, and read the stories of many mothers and fathers who regret their choice to have their son circumcised. I have heard stories of the procedure and complications which resulted in them having to bring their baby back to have it done again. Heard about how little information was offered by the pediatrician performing the surgery, and how they had to pay cash for it. One story that had a large impact on me was this one. It breaks my heart when I read, “To see a part of this baby’s penis being cut off – without an anesthetic – was devastating. But even more shocking was the doctor’s comment, barely audible several octaves below the piercing screams of the baby, “There’s no medical reason for doing this.” I couldn’t believe my ears, my knees became weak, and I felt sick to my stomach. I couldn’t believe that medical professionals, dedicated to helping and healing, could inflict such pain and anguish on innocent babies unnecessarily.”

You may have read this whole thing and clicked and read every link I sent you to and still feel that circumcision is the way to go. Perhaps from the perspective of a man you will hear what I am trying to say. Maybe knowing there are lots of people out there who feel and think the same way would help you to understand. Here are just a few of the Facebook groups who speak out against routine infant male circumcision.

Fathers Choosing Not To Circumcise 

Keeping Future Sons Intact

Boys Deserve Better

Intactivist Rex 

End  Routine Infant Circumcision

Please, even if you do no accept what I have shared with you as reality. Even if babies will in no way recall the pain of the procedure. Does that make it OK to put them through such agony? Would you cause your child any other harm feeling OK with it because they would forget?

If I have changed your mind. If you already feel the same way. If you disagree but think someone you know might benefit from the information. Share a piece of this post, a link to it, click Share or Like.


“Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.”

                                                                                                                                                                                              – George Bernard Shaw

My Son

5 Jan

When I first started this I wrote a post about how Logan has changed me. In the post I said I would someday write a post all about him. Who he is as a person. I think about it all the time, but I can’t seem to pinpoint just who he is. He’s growing and changing all the time. Like we all do, and I don’t think I can accurately portray who he is in a post, I think if I tried I could never do him justice.

What I can do is try to describe some of his current qualities, how I see them. The world, I’m sure, sees him differently than I do. To me he is absolutely perfect.

Right now he is energetic and inquisitive. He loves to learn and is, for the most part, willing to explore. He still has reservations, which I like about him.

He is affectionate and considerate. He willingly apologizes when he’s made a mistake. In fact I believe he is genuinely saddened when he believes he has upset someone. Often repeating “I’m so sorry” while backing away from the spilled milk, the broken Christmas ornament , or his crying sister. He loves to share his love and is super cuddly.

He loves to laugh. He is very quick witted, and at times quick tempered. He will tell you what he thinks, and he will tell you when you’re wrong.

He loves his family and his friends. He loves to talk to them and about them. He loves to create stories and share them with an audience. He can be a bit of a ham.

He is learning and growing in leaps and bounds. Just when I think I have a handle on where he’s at in a flash he’s jumping into a new phase.

He is my boy. My light. My life. I love him more all the time. Am simultaneously excited and saddened at the thought of him growing up. And I am infinitely thankful that he is my son.

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